Tuesday, October 24, 2006

One Man, One Pidgeon, One Seat!

Hi people of the Blogosphere.


As you know, I have recently gotten cameras again, and after a lengthy self-debate, set up a Flick for me.


Here is my latest shot to have gone up.

(click for better view)
MV.



Monday, October 16, 2006

Free Hugs Campaign. Inspiring Story! (music by sick puppies)

Beautiful.
Let's ALL do it people!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Fighting off the Black Dog!

Well, after a run of about 4 good months, 4 months of running from the Black Dog, the little bugger seems to have caught up with me.
There's no denying the tenacity of that little mutherfucker.
He just keeps on coming, no matter what I do. Medication, Running like mad, whatever, he just keeps on coming.
And so now, he's grabbed well and trully back onto my leg, and is dragging me down.
Which is NOT what I needed right now - ever actually, but really not now.

Y'see, I've come to a point, where I've realised that in reality, me and study don't mix afterall. I thought we might, and I had a fair crack (2 years), but we're just not suited.
So what then? What comes next?
Work? Back in a factory? A warehouse?
A job with specific hours that I just can't meet? A job with the flexibilty of an engine block?

I think not. Why?
Well, as slack as it'll sound, I'll go fuckin MAD in 3 months. I really couldn't do it.
Living with a condition - depression (chronic anxiety also), and in a time and place so restrictive and rigid, I will last a matter of months before needing to frankly, quit, and bury myself far far away from any recognisable place in the world.
But is there a place for me, and other people with Depression, to go and work our bums off while we can, and then go away and hide ourselves back in our rooms when we need to? A little time where we can 'not work' too, and just do whatever it is we do when we're down?
Reallistically, I don't think so. We need to find a place we can work so flat out, at our own hours when we can, and then when things aren't so good, we won't be penalised or have other restrictions (financial etc from no income) placed on us when we're not well.

Ok, ideally, I'd be making enough money to pay rent, eat etc from writing and taking picures...not just because I'd have the 'freedom' then, but 'cos I love doing them...but again, this is the real world.
Over the last little period of time, I've had my sights on that. But things like that don't just happen overnight. It takes a lot of work, and TIME, to get oneself into a position one can make their 'hobbies' pay. And by a 'living'' btw, I don't mean the extravegant, "Rock Star" "Rich and Famous" lifestyle. I mean rent, food, ciggies and materials/gear, and yeah, a few beers now and again.

Which again goes back to the work dilemma.
When one is working, paying the bills, buying a big flatscreen, living "like normal people" (thats what my Dad says) , when does one find the time (and more impotantly, the energy) to do all these other things as well?
How, if one is feeling creative rather then mechancal, dronelike, does one get to excercise ones creative side, properly, and dedicate a good amount of time to, well, dedication to it, when one has a forklift and a bunch of pallets to move around a yard, killing ones creativity? And one thing I HAVE leant from my time 'studying', is that I actually am a fairly creative person.
I love my writing and my photography. I still a helluva lot to learn, especially if one is going to earn a 'living' from them, and I am willing to learn, but I need the time to take the opportunities. Not, "yeah, I can learn that, or spend some time on ... but later" or whatever, then go jump in the forklift. I've learnt while studying, that living that 'normal' life is good for many, but for some, 'normal' is just, beyond.
I'd always thought that, and thought it was just me and that I was weird. And now I know; and I know that even though I am still weird (calling a spade a spade here), I'm not alone in 'not fitting in'. Pretty depressing on it's own.

I was going to bring this up here soon anyway, following on from my last post, but the Black Dog is right onto me tonight...despite me trundling off to the A-league (Australia's Soccer). And yes, Melbourne Victory did lose, but i'm not going to go on about my curse - tonight.

I've kinda just blurted this on here tonigh too, so it probably doesn't say what I actually wanted it to say.

Thanks for visiting and letting me crap on awhile,
Vinnie Me.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sleep!

I love sleep.
Absolutely ADORE sleep.

However, there is a point where too much really IS, too much. And I've by far exceeded that point.

36 hours at a time.

Easily.

Apart from not sleeping for up to arond 20 hours ata time, regularly, I'll sleep from anywhere between 36 to 48 hours at a time. Ok, so technically, it's not solid; I'll wake for maybe half an hour or so from time to time, but I think that still counts really as the hours I mentioned.
I guess we all love a good ol' rainy Satur-all-day in bed too, in the dark depths of winter.
But once a week?
Yep. Probably once or so a week, i'll need to sleep my 36 hour stint. And it's not because I do stay up for 24 hour periods either. The rest of the time, I get about 7-8 or so 'normal' hours a day. The hours are different to most people's, I sleep mainly from about 4am to 11 or 12Am. Which is another thing on its own.
I cannot, for the life of me, sleep before about 4am. I have no idea why. When I do let myself sleep from that late, I generally don't even need an alarm to wake me. I just wake and get up when i've slept enough.
And this does make things tough for the "real" world - the working world. But even when I was working (remember I 'study' now), I could not sleep before about 3 or 4Am. It's just my hours. Yet I still somehow managed to (just) get up for work.

But then these uber silly hours crept in...no, I correct myself. When I was younger, working two jobs, including one in a club finishing as late as 6am, I slept ALL Saturday. Then worked gain. At least then though, i knew where my need, my need for sleep came from.

As I was saying... then these uber silly hours crept in, and nothing, and by nothing, I mean nothing would/could wake me. I ended up missing work. And I couldn't explain why. Was it depression manifesting itself in new ways since I had started medication? I don't know.
Was it the medication itself? Maybe. I'm still on and I still sleep like a ... whatever sleeps so long at a time!
I have no answers.

And this is worrying. Someday soon, I'm going to have to re-enter the worforce. How does one tell the boss that "I couldn't get in today cos I was asleep"; "Cos I was tired"?
ANd this doubles up now on another problem I am facing soon, on re-entering the workforce. My health in general.

But I can write about that concern another day. It'll be a pretty decent length post and I've already taken enough of your time for one day.

Until next time,
Vinnie Me, signing out.

Monday, October 09, 2006

ghost

Full on guys.
I crapped m' pants.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

How cool!

hey people who're supposed to be working but aren't.
Guess what?

Well, you know all those kids, the ones born in like '86 running aroung the place with the whole '73 thing on their Tee shirts? Well, This is my post number 73.
Yay.
I'll say it agin, this is my post number 73.
once more, just for that number; 73.

73

The year I was born. Which actually makes me laugh at all those kidss, the ones born in '86, running around the place with '73 printed on their tees.
Cos '73 has just been that number all my life. Like for Dad it's '49.
But, how many tees have '49 printed on 'em? none.
How many of those kids born in '61 do you see running around with '49 printed on their tees? Again, none.

Ok, so, Rip Curl and Quicksilver were born, right here in Victoria in '73, and they ALL use that as their "logo" now. Why not use me? I'm logo-able aren't I?

The reason they haven't used me as their logo? none

The significance of this post? Right again, none.

hope you smiled.
NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
V

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sunday II

I name so many posts Sunday.
And just to mix it up even more, it's another lazy Sunday. A lazy lazy sunny spring Sunday afternoon.

Tonight I meet up with Melbourne band Mach Pelican for some live shots and a chat.

Oops, some-one in my street just started up with the chainsaw, and I think, judging by the obscenities being yelled out, and the massive crunch, they took down more than they meant to.

My Flickr is doing ok - getting a few views.

The folks head off to NZ this week for a month or so.

My beautiful little niece, who hit 4 months last weekend is doing well.

I'm still broke.

Very soon too, I'll be blogging again properly.

Catch, M-Vinnie
 

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